Dec. 16

NO MO CHEMO!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
My very last chemo, it was just like every other chemo. It wore me out and made me really tired. I could barley keep my eyes open but I had my mom, sister, and boyfriend there to support me. They annoyed me and took pictures of me but I'm so happy they were there to share that moment with me. I came home and I slept for about three hours and when I woke up I didn't feel normal but I felt pretty good for it being a chemo day. I wanted to watch Letters To God. I was going to watch it or any movie with my mom but she didn't think that movie was a good idea to watch, considering its about a little boy who has brain cancer. Well we decided that we were both too tired to watch a movie tonight but when I layed down I couldn't sleep so I opened my laptop and went to my netflix and decided to watch the movie by myself. I cried quite a bit. I think I should have watched this movie at the beginning of all of this and I would have been so much stronger. It was a great movie and I recommend it. It's really a tear-jerker though :]

Anyways I had my last chemotherapy today. I'm so happy!! And now I can proudly say, I'm a cancer survivor! not everyone who gets sick can survive but i am blessed enough to know that I can move on with my life now, I can start growing my hair again and I can start running again, probably not for a little while but I know I can do those things again.. I won't have to take 1397127238 pills everyday. I won't have to worry about white blood cell counts and red blood cell counts. I won't be needing any more blood transfusions, or hospital visits. I can go back to school and go back to work! I can start living normal again...
I could have not gone through all this without everyone's support..

Helen Mullner: Nurse Helen! Without her coming over when my white blood counts were down, my mom would have had to give me my shots, and I know she has some anger built up inside her for me so I'm very thankful for Helen!

Wilma Thorton: Without Wilma my mom would have been by herself a lot of times while I was in the hospital, she would have had to go eat lunch by herself and she would have annoyed me all day. Thanks for being there when she decided to walk out of the room when I had.. well a big moment... you were there to sprint down the hall to get her, haha that was hilarious :] ..oh I forgot you don't know what that smiley face is....

Joey: I'm so thankful for you and so happy that I had you through all of this. You're truly one of the only people that saw me at my best and my very worst. I wasn't always in the best of mood and i know i took a lot of it out on you and my mom and you both didn't deserve that but I know it's just because anybody else wouldn't understand and would get mad at me. You really helped me through a lot of tough times and I know this wasn't easy for you either. You may have not always known what to do or how to act but you did pretty good, yes I could name some stuff you could have been better at but that's just because I expect you to be perfect. We really got to know each other more than we already did and it really brought us closer. I know your upset that I'm going away next fall to college but I'll visit a lot and if we are really meant to be together then we'll stay together and I think we will, it won't be easy but we've been through worse together and I think we can get through that. You're my best friend and I love you!!

Aunt Joyce & Uncle Mike: thanks for always getting me the biggest stuffed animal you could find! I'm not exactly sure where to put them now but they looks awesome sitting in my hospital room! And Doctor Uncle Mike, thanks for all the pain killers, I'm glad you were there to call when I needed it every three hours instead of four, haha what would I have done with out you. Your the best doctor ever! I love you guys!

Stacy: Thanks for always coming to my chemos when you were off work and forcing me to play games. I wish you could have always been there because my chemos seemed to get boringer and made me get more anxious and soon they were all bad, you saw on my last one but I'm so happy you could be there. Thanks for making reindeer poop and getting a cake for my last chemo :] and my favorite hoodie i wear all the time now :] Love you sissy!

Daddy: I couldn't ask for a better dad. You have done everything you could for me and so much more. You're always getting me everything I have ever wanted and more. Yes I admit it, you spoil the crap out of me. When I wrecked my brand new car, we went out and got another brand new car! When we went to walmart and I rode around on the scooter, I impulsed and said I wanted a pillow pet, and now I sleep with a purple unicorn every night! My tv started to go and the next day you surprise me with a brand new one! You're the best dad in the world not just because you buy me things but you always want whats best for me. I love you daddy!!

Mom: Before all of this we never ever saw eye to eye, we were always arguing and never really wanted to spend time with each other for that reason. God has shown me a lot through all of this and he's really brought us closer together and I'm so happy to say that. You always stayed with me in the hospital and when I was to sore to even change my own clothes you did that for me and you helped me out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. We've learned a lot about each other over these past month and I've learned how caring you are and you know I would do the same for you now. You may have annoyed me the last time in the hospital but you know I would not have wanted to be alone. You sneaked me real food when all I was aloud to eat was nasty chicken broth. You were the only person to be there for me always, and I know your thinking, "well I'm your mother, of course I'll be there" but you didn't because I know I got on your nerves too but you still did everything you could for me, and that includes cleaning my room and folding my clothes while I just lay in bed watching. I really do believe one of the reasons for God giving me cancer is to bring me closer to my family, and I'm glad he did. Before all this I was not making the best of choices but now I see things in a different light and to live life like every moments your last, I love spending time with my family now and I'm so thankful for you guys and everything you guys do for me. I couldn't ask for a better mother and father. I love you so much!!!

december 15

Well monday was supposed to be my last chemo but my white blood count was too low so we had to wait three days. I got a shot every one of those days to bring up the count. I was really upset because i was really looking forward to that being the last one and being done with all of this but... We go back tomorrow and hopefully I can get my last poisoning and I'll be all done with my chemotherapy. Still not looking forward to tomorrow but i just keep reminding myself it's the last one and hopefully I will never have to go through this again. January 5th I have a PET Scan and then January 10 I will find out if I need radiation or not. I'm really praying that I don't and I can be all done!

I wanted to ask you guys to pray for some friends that were in a very bad car accident. One walked away with some scratches and bruises, another has punctured lungs, and another has a broken neck and is now paralyzed from the waste down. Just pray for strength for them and their families.

also I'm looking for a full time job for while I'm going to school starting in january.. so if you have any suggestions or could help me out let me know on my facebook.

Thank you all so much for all the encouragement and prayers throughout these past few months, I really do appreciate it and I don't think I could have been so positive without my friends and family and everyone's support.

Dec. 5

I've been doing really good lately! I went and visited some colleges this week, which I didn't feel the best that day of course but I got over it. I did a lot of walking too, so now I'm sore, it is pathetic that I am sore from walking! I am so excited though I have two chemo's this week and then one more! I can not wait till I can start having more energy and more strength, and hair!! We're still not sure about radiation though, but I'm just so happy to be almost done with chemo..
I'm so excited for my life to get back to normal! I'm going to get a full time job and take a few classes at SCC and then hopefully go to MoState in the fall! I can't wait!

My lovely boyfriend actually shaved my head for me because those little hairs falling out were getting annoying. And well I shaved his head too, I shaved a mohawk on his head though and then I dyed it purple :] it was awesome! But my mom pointed out, "How many boyfriends can say they shaved their girlfriends head?" well here are some funny pics:


this one is one of me trying to look like his dad :] I think i did a pretty good job!



and here's Joey! you can't really tell it's purple but it still looks cool!!

November 22

I had a really good week last week, I almost felt normal again! Still a little weak though but I got used to that. My stomach hasn't been hurting at all either lately which is awesome with Thanksgiving coming up :] I hope today's chemo won't be too hard on me. Typical, I'm wore out today but hopefully I can have another week like last week. But I just take things day by day.
I've really started looking back into going back to school. I found A LOT of scholarships too for people with cancer or cancer survivors, so hopefully I can get one for being a cancer survivor when I'm all done with this. I need to get accepted to a college first because I don't really want to go back to the community college, even though I was there for like two weeks... I've been looking into MO State they aren't too expensive.

Any who it was Dustin's last day of chemo today, i wish him luck and we still need to pray for him they still don't know if they got it all but I hope he did so he can get back to life..
Here's his story:
http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=227139

oh and here's meeee

Baldy!!! or fuzz ball?

My mother said, "Your head is like a pregnant lady's belly, everyone wants to rub it."
She's special... :] I love you mom!!

THREE MORE CHEMOS!!
thanks everyone, don't stop praying!!

Novemeber 10

So for the past week I was in the hospital. I went to the ER Wednesday night around 10pm and was in there all night till about 4:45am when they admitted me. I was there for the same reasons I was there last time, pain management!! As soon as I got to the ER and they hooked me up they were giving me dilaudid, which is stronger than morphine :] Also while in the hospital I was given shots of heperin, which raises my white blood cell count, and I was also given a blood transfusion, to raise my red blood cells. It gave me a little more energy, not too much but a little, it made me want to go for a walk around the hospital. Which to me felt like a work out, since I never move any more, when I got back to my room I was sweating! Pathetic.. :[ But the day they discharged me from the hospital I had a CT Scan and Chemo.. I was really not wanting to go to chemo, I cried almost the whole time, I was finally feeling pretty good and then the chemo just brought me right back down, and I did not want that.. Then today I had to go back for a part two of one of the chemo drugs, it wasn't that hard on me though, I was praying to God to give me strength, and he did. The chemo room today was full except for one seat and that was next to a guy who was close to my age I think he's 22. I'm not sure what kind of cancer he has but he was there yesterday too getting the same thing he was getting today and he'll have to go back for the rest of the week and the size of his chemo bags were huge and he had to get more than one. I really felt bad for crying the day before, I only had to be there maybe 2-3 hours while he was there all day everyday.. But I would like to think of him as my strength for today..

GOOD NEWS: the results from the CT Scan came back today, before the size of the mass was 6.9x4.6cm and the people in radiology told my onochologist that the scan was normal, (he was confused) The size of the mass is now 1.5cm.. Thank God the chemo is working, and so are your prayers..

5 MORE WEEKS!!!

November 3

I haven't been feeling good the past few days, since about Friday to be exact... Right before Halloween weekend too.. I did the best I could to have fun. A lot of pain medication and really just trying to not think about all the pain I was in..
I had chemo on monday and that really wore me out. I have never been so weak, I could barely get out of bed. My white blood count is really low again too, which is another reason why I've been so weak. So I get a shot everyday to make it go back up and what the shot does is make your own white blood cells from your bone marrow so my bones hurt pretty bad too.
So basically I feel pretty pathetic this week and would really appreciate all your prayers..
thank you all..

Oct 25

What an eventful weekend! The Benefit party was a success! Thanks to all who showed up and donated to my family, we really appreciate all of you! And I'm so glad I was feeling well because I had so much fun! There was horse back riding and hay rides and a pie eating contest/food fight! (don't worry I took off the wig first) I had so much fun!

Today was chemo though and now I feel exhausted and I did not have a fun day :[
I've been laying in bed all day, so boring but I can't do anything else..

keep praying!

october 19

Sorry it's been a while again..
I had a pretty bad week last week. I spent 8 hours in the er on monday and got no where. The Tuesday I went to chemo but i didn't get to do it because my white blood cell count was really low. Then wednesday i was admitted to the hospital where I spent the next 4 days. I was having a lot of stomach pain and we were trying to manage the pain and get my cell count up. I'm doing 110% better though now! I felt really good on monday so a couple of friends and me went to the zoo and the arch. I had an amazing day! We accidenty bumped into the lead singer from one of my favorite bands at the arch and got to take our picture with him, it was awesome!! Then we had a nice sit down dinner at McDonalds :]
Later when I got home I went upstairs to go watch tv and my tv was missing! My parents surprised me with a new one because mine was going out! Best parents ever!! :] So I had the best day ever!!
Tuesday we went back to chemo and now I'm tired and weak but I should be up and around again by the weekend. Hopefully the party doesn't get rained out we might have to move it, but I will let you guys know!!
don't stop praying! :]

October 10

Well the past two days have been miserable. It basically feels like I have the flu with out the temperature. My body aches all over and Tylenol does not help! The pain pills help but I don't really like to take them except at night so i can go to sleep. But I thought I'd write to you now after I've taken a pain pill so I'm feeling good and not complaining and being so negative, because no one wants to hear that and it gets pretty hard to stay positive when your in that much pain..
But anywhooooooo, we shaved my head I'm not completly bald because we didn't want to cut me on accident and then I'd bleed forever and I'm more prone to infection so now just little hairs are falling out and I shall be bald in no time! We got a wig and it is really pretty :] and it looks so natural. I'll put pictures up later but if your on facebook you can see them there now.
I'm really thankful I had my friends there to keep me smiling the whole time :] it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, we actually tried to have fun with it and made silly hair styles first :]
I'm so thankful for my friends and family, I wouldn't be the same without them!

oct. 7

YIKES!!!! Tomorrow is the big day! We're shaving my head!!! My hair has really thinned out in the past two days :[ It's so weird going from having super thick hair to super thin. And My hair is falling out everywhere and its really gross so lets just get rid of it!! I'm scared!

oh and for those of you who have been reading my blog long enough to know about my friends nephew shaun, I just wanted to thank you for the prayers but he passed away this morning leaving behind his wife and his baby. Please continue to pray for his family...

Thanks guys!

Oct. 6

So today's follow up treatment went well. We played cards the entire time and Joey went for the first time. :] That made me happy! 9 MORE!!!
We went to the park today too and I got some well needed fresh air.

My hair has really started to fall out. I've decided Friday we are going to shave my head because it's really disgusting and kind of uncomfortable. I've really tried to mentally prepare myself for this day but I know it's going to be hard. But I'll have my wig!! haha!

Thanks guys again for all the support :]

Oct. 5

Sorry I haven't wrote in a while, I've been out trying to have fun :]
I hung out with my friends all last weekend and went to a haunted house!

But today was week 3 of treatments and it really wore me out. It was some of the same drugs from week one and if you remember week one was the worst week so far. I slept for about 5 hours when I got home today. And I have to go back tomorrow for a follow up treatment of one of the drugs...
Oh and here's some big news, MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT! I find it more gross than sad because there is hair everywhere! I think when I start looking like I got in a fight with a cat I'll shave it off. That will be a day full of emotions...

Keep praying please :]

Sept. 29

Nothing but good news! :]

Bone Marrow test came back normal today!! What relief! So that means that I am still stage 2 and not stage 4, so I can continue on with my treatments normally. :]

And today I get to go see dreamy Dr. Derosa. ;) He's the one who took my ovary, and he is something else... HAHA!

Yesterday went great by the way. The nurses said they gave me the mean stuff during week one which made me miserable. But yesterday I still felt fine just a little extra tired than normal. I still felt good enough though to go out to dinner with my family to kind of celebrate how good I was doing I guess. :]

Just know that all your prayers are working and I could never tell you how much I appreciate them. Thank you guys sooooooo much!!!

Sept. 27

Day before week 2.. yuck!
So I'm going to get out of the house before I'm stuck in bed all day again!!


I also wanted to ask you guys to not only pray for me, but pray for my friends nephew. His name is Sean he's 36 and has a 2 month old baby. He has been diagnosed with something I think is a lot worse than cancer. I don't exactly know the name of it but it is rare and has only been reported in like 30000 people in America. Its something to do with the proteins in your body but it create something like tumors that attach to your organs. They are treating it like cancer though and started him on chemo right away. Just pray for him and his family and that he can beat this.

Thanks guy!

Sep 25

Well I'm definitely feeling the chemo, even days later. My jaw hurts (weird symptom, i know) I have those awesome mouth sores.. And my body just all together aches.. And last night i woke up around 2am and i didn't go to sleep until 9 this morning. I was siiiick to my stomach! :[
My mouth hurts to eat or even drink water :[ and I wake up frequently at night because my body hurts so bad :[
I will admit, trying to stay positive is getting harder. But I'm trying!

Sept. 24

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I finally got out of the house and went to see a movie with Joey. Also, I was able to drive my car!!!! Which now has a spoiler :] Well after the movies Joey and I went back to my house to enjoy are Taco Bell dinner (and pills for me) Well I think something a little less fast food-ish would have been a better meal choice.. But after that we went up to school to discuss dropping me for the semester. Although we were bombarded with lots of information, nothing has changed and as far as SCC is concerned I'm still a student there. And after all that I'm started to feel run down from all of the activities but mom suggested I drive her in my car to my sisters.. so that I did :]
But today is a different day. I really don't feel as awesome as I felt yesterday, everything aches.. But it's so gourgeous outside I think I might push myself to go to the park with Joey and my Deucey dog :]
Some fresh air might make me feel better :]

Sept 21

First day of chemo.. not fun
but no one told me it would be.
It made me severely tired and i went home and slept all day. I woke up once to eat a little bit and now I'm struggling staying awake to write this and eat a little more.
They really thought i was going to get really nauseous and i haven't yet and i pray i don't because that'll hurt my stomach really bad...
Cancer really sucks!!
11 more treatments!! woooo...... haha :]

keep praying please :]
love you guys

Sept. 18, 2010

Day after my last surgery:
Finally home, still in quite a bit of pain though.. not as bad as yesterday though.. ouch
So I'm hoping that the worst is over and everything can just get better from here..
The doctors have all been wonderful to me, but my body is under a lot of stress right now and can't quite handle all of this at once. My mom has been very helpful to me. She helps me get in and out of bed and even helps me get dressed.. haha I'm her wittle baby again :]
Well I just wanted to let you all know how things were going and that all is well, (except for all the pain I'm in but that's normal after you get an ovary taken out...)
I don't start chemo until tuesday now because one of the drugs won't be in until then which is good...
I'm not sure if I have mentioned this either but I am dropping out of school this semester just to keep things a little less stressful for me. It's one last thing to worry about..

but thank you all for all your support and prayers.. love you all

Thurs, Sept. 16, 2010

Well its been a painful past two days with them cutting me open and sticking a port in me and today they stuck a giant needle in me and took some bone marrow... wow that was very painful and i was awake the whole time. They tried to numb me and gave me more and more pain medicine threw the iv but i could feel it all and i cried the whole time. :[ It wasn't until the doctor said okay we're all done that i finally passed out. It was not fun at all. I had to lay on my stomach too so i was already in pain before they even started from laying on my port. NOT A GOOD DAY!
When we were done with that I wanted my pain medication and some french onion soup in a bread bowl from Bread co, so we went and dropped off my prescription and went and met my sister up there. I felt a little better after eating but then i think all the medication wore off and it was time to go. We picked up my new best friend and i took it in the car and i went straight to bed when i got home.
Someone from church brought us food and i think we're getting more food tomorrow. I ate too much today.. haha usually I've just been eating one meal a day today I had two and now I don't feel good so I'm back in bed..
Tomorrow is the last surgery and their taking my ovary out and freezing it just in case the chemo makes me infertal and I can't have kids later. So it's just a precaution but it's amazing that I even have that option. So pray for me for tomorrow because I think it's going to hurt worse than today and yesterday hurt.
Thanks for all the prayers, the cards, the flowers, the food, and the cupcakes :]
I love you guys :]

Mon. Sept. 13, 2010 pt 2

OH YEAH! I got a new car on friday!!! It's so beautiful! :D

Mon, Sept. 13, 2010

Went to the doctors today for a follow up on the scans. Turns out the cancer is spreading up and its right by my collar bone, you can feel it. So now it turns out that since the mass is so HUGE that it's stage 2 hodgkins. If the bone marrow test comes back positive then it's stage 4, but the doctor seems to really think it won't be. But who knows, the doctor really didn't think that the mass in my chest was cancer either.

So today we scheduled everything to come:
Wednesday we put in the port
Thursday is the bone marrow test
Friday we are going to have surgery to take out an ovary
MONDAY i start chemo

It turns out also that since its stage 2 my chemo has changed a little and i will be going once a week instead of once every two weeks. But the bright side is that its once a week for 12 weeks instead of once every two weeks for 6 months.

Well that's all i can think of right now, love you guys.

Thurs, Sept. 9, 2010

God is GOOD :]

We went to the infertility doctor today and he told us that he thinks the best thing for me is to take out a whole ovary. He said this way if i can still have kids after chemo then we won't even need to put it back in me. It's basically reassurance for later in life which is awesome. The doctor also told us that insurance might not cover this procedure, but he said that if they don't he won't charge us for anything. That is awesome. So I'm having surgery sometime next week. Their thinking Wednesday, after i see the cancer doctor on Monday.

Something I am really thankful for right now are my friends. As you all know i have been searching for a new car since mine was killed. Particularly a Scion TC (which is made by Toyota) Today a lady from Lou Fuze Toyota called my dad today. She said a few of their detail boys and some other people that work there know me and know all that's going on right now. She told my dad that they would take off some money on a brand new car for me. I don't know who works there but they said they went to school with me, so that's just awesome.

Now you understand why I said God is GOOD! :D

Tues, Sept. 7, 2010

I got my hair cut today!!! ITS SOOOO SHORT!! We put it in a pony tail and cut it off for locks of love. I wasn't expecting it to be this short but we had to cut it that short for the locks of love requirements. Its okay though the cut is growing on me... It's so different. Everyone seems to like it though. Here's some pictures!






scared!!




glad we didn't keep it like that :]


sad :[


you can see the back in the mirror

Wed, Sept. 1, 2010

This morning we went to talk to the cancer doctor. He answered almost all my questions before i asked him. I really like him. Mom had an episode again when we entered the cancer care center. haha... I think, no I know she's taking this worse than I am. haha but that's mom for you. The doctor said we would probably start chemo in a week or 2. He said the chemotherapy was a combination of four medications. And one of them in that combo will not allow me to take high concentrated oxygen, so that means when i go to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth pulled their going to have and iv instead of the gas mask. And I won't ever be able to go scuba diving!!! I'm a little upset about that since that was on my list of things to do before i die, but i guess snorkeling will be just as good.
The doctor also told us today that that I would start loosing hair 1-2 weeks after we started the chemo, so i better get a wig soon! :p Oh and we can't call it a wig, its a cranial prosthesis. That was I can get a prescription written for it and i don't have to pay for it because those things are expensive! My boyfriends dad said his friend had lymphoma and never lost his hair, but people are different. But if I don't I'm still going to donate my hair to locks of love.
Oh ya, if you haven't heard I'm donating 10 inches of my hair to locks of love. I thought if it does fall out I'll let someone else use it rather than it go down the shower drain or in the trash.
If all my hair does fall out I'm not looking forward to short hair when it grows back. I HATE SHORT HAIR!!! but ya never know maybe it'll grow on me. (pun not intended.)

I would just like to thank everyone again for all your prayers and encouragement!
Love you all!

Mon, Aug. 30, 2010

Well where to begin...
I guess my life changed a week and a day ago around midnight. I was in a car accident that totaled my car because a van ran a red light. I spun around in the air i might add, and landed backward on a curb. We thought i was okay so we didn't go to the hospital. Sunday night my mom took me to urgent care because i was having terrible back pains, but they just sent me home with some muscle relaxers. Monday morning was my first day of college. I woke up to take a shower and i spit some blood while i was in the shower. I then texted my mom who thought we should go to the emergency room. The doctor said that i was fine and it was probably just a bruised lung from the accident, but to be safe we wanted to take some chest x-rays. Well we certainly did find something. We found an almost 4 inch size mass in my chest. We then decided a catscan was necessary. After this new finding, i spent the night in the hospital and the next day i had to get a needle biopsy.

Today was the day we got the results from the biopsy. It was positive for Hodgkin Lymphoma. The doctor said there was a possibility that it could be lymphoma but he said it was unlikely so i was a little shocked by the news. And so was everyone else.

All the encouragement i get from others really makes things a lot easier. And the fact that i need my roots dyed and my hair cut makes chemotherapy sound awesome! (and i love wigs :D) haha!

Its amazing the way God showed us lymphoma earlier by the car accident. It could have gotten so much worse... God works in mysterious ways and I know there's a greater reason for the cancer than any of us could understand.


KEEP PRAYING!!